Thursday, August 16, 2007

lies

i woke up early today for my cbc and as soon as i've opened the door of my room to go to the pantry i was surprised to see the television open and then i saw a familiar face on the tv screen. but she's not holding a microphone, nor doing traffic rantings, not even doing her trademark "street dancing"---she's wearing a wedding gown, doing the catwalk. my heart skipped a beat.

then all of a sudden an icy-cold feeling swept over me. i felt like a dementor has just arrived and sucking the happiness within me. i began to choke with sadness. she could have been my bride, she could have been my wife and i imagine myself flying without wings for marrying someone as beautiful as her.

then i heard a voice, a squeaky tiny voice that resembles that of dobby, the house elf, "you are stupid sir, you screwed up sir, you lost her sir". damn! shut up! shut up! "why are you shouting sir, don't shout at me sir!" just shut up!

then i opened my eyes and saw my two cousins, ned and alison, both looking at me with disbelief. i spoke even before they could say a word,"i'm okay, i'm okay don't worry".

i took a seat near the fridge, my back at the television set, hoping that the cup of green tea could relieve the sudden surge of pain within. and then i heard a voice coming from the television set saying that the wedding gown was designed by someone and the activity was last sunday and then suddenly........opps.......she told me she's watching a movie sunday night----with her mom.....how could---she didn't--how can------shit!

i swallowed the tea, it was bitter... she lied to me then......but why....maybe she has a date with her future groom......so all these "i want to be with you, dying to be with you enzo stuffs" were all lies......shit.... combination of anger and pain made me feel very sick

"i'm not marrying her....i'm not going back to her......i don't want to see her......i'm not going to talk to her anymore...no, i don't want her anymore" i told myself, in between sobs.....