Monday, June 18, 2007

i don't give a damn

i'm really wondering why you are so interested about us and especially about me. well, i'm flattered you are giving me this much attention. it must have been heaven for you and for your bestfriend to make fun of me.

i think my fault here is that i was too trusting and i confided things to you which were not supposed to be said and i felt betrayed and hurt that you are now using it against me.
why are you so interested about us? why do you have to threaten me? why are you so interested to know her? just because i confided things to you and we became "friends" does not gave you the right to intrude into my personal life and to her personal life too. we were both hurt by what happened. and i don't think nobody won, because in the first place, it was not a game. we were not playing a game. it was a relationship. it was love. and what happened to us along the way was something that we are keeping for ourselves. its ours anyway.

i never hide the fact that i screwed up, i lied, i got insecure, the break up was mostly my fault. i never and will never hide that fact to anyone, even to my family. and she knew how much i wanted to make things right, to tell her everything that she wanted to know. we have our personal issues----things that i don't think we should or i should open up in public. its between the two of us. what transpired, what we said, what we felt, what we have right now---is just for the two of us. no one has the right to intrude on that.

so, now, you are telling me you want to meet her, invite her for dinner, you want her to be your friend. you are telling me this after saying a lot of bad things about her? wow! yes, i was shaky when i called you not because of anything shitty. you said something in your sms that triggered some fear in me. i was doubtful of your motive. i was worried for her. i know what kind of a bitch you are. and please stop boasting about your resources and connection. you are not GOD and you can not just intrude into someone's personal life and fix it the way you want. who cares if your father is a general and you have body guards. let me remind you, the people of the Republic of the Philippines is paying for his salary.

you are telling me to focus on myself, on my family, on my kids, and you even called me selfish. wow! who are you anyway? you don't know how much i love my children and my family. i could give my life to them. and you don't tell me what to do. i'm old enough, wise enough to handle myself. by the way, how about your dad? does he really care about you?

so, why are you so interested about us? what's your motive? you want to destroy me? you and your imaginary bestfriend who thought that just because i said she's pretty has already jumped into the conclusion that i like her? i was never attracted to you nor to her. and i will never be. yes, i said i like you because you are a bitch, but that's my way of telling you that you can not just call me names, insult me, threaten me, and then get away with it. yes, i have balls--pink, juicy, yummy balls. how about you? you are a coward, you are hiding from your dad's pants and you are taking advantage of his position so you can get what you want.

hey, to tell you honestly, i really don't want to spend most of my time thinking about you or your blah blah. its a waste of time. in fact, this is the last time that i will talk about it. i guess mari is right, kulang ka lang sa pansin.

and by the way, don't under-estimate her. she's a tough act. she's wiser and smarter than you think. she knows when to fight back. she's too smart for you. and i bet she will see your true motive even before you could lay your thing on the table.

you are one wtf spoiled brat. it takes one to know one you know. you don't play with other people's feelings. we are not playing a game here. this is about our lives, our battle, our journey and the least that you can do is...fuck off.

i don't need your help nor am i asking for it. i can fix my life, i can fix whatever it is that needs to be fixed between "her and me". we just have to see each other and talk personally. and we will be doing that soon.

i don't care about you wanting her to be your friend. but i know that's not your true motive. just don't use me to hurt her or don't you dare do something that will malign her and my reputation or our past relationship. i don't need to give her a "friendly warning" because she is a smart woman. opps sorry..i mean a very smart woman. don't dare do something that will hurt both of us. kung gusto mo lang ako sirain, then ako na lang, don't use her to hurt me.

fuck off spoiled brat. don't you dare make a wrong move. you don't know me. leave us alone or ou'll regret it.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

resched chemo

i’m suppose to have my 6th and last chemo session today (for option A) but my oncologist has decided to postpone it because of my low wbc and fever. if my condition will improve next week, i’ll have the session hopefully by next friday, june 22.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

wordpress blog

i've moved in to http://brokenman.wordpress.com

pls join me in my journey there!

thanks